Snitchin
The world is hard enough - take some time from your day to snitch with us! We are Kristen and Brittany, two thirty-somethings who have been friends for over 20 years. Hang out with us as we talk about everything from pop culture to motherhood to dating in your 30s. Everyone needs a safe space to snitch - join us! Email: snitchinpod@gmail.com - email us your ideas!
Snitchin
Episode 19: The One We’re Dubbing “Squad with a Pod” Featuring Stef
We welcome multi-hyphenate professional Stefanie Raccuglia to the podcast for an insightful conversation about authenticity, therapy, and personal growth. Stef shares her journey from dance and theater to becoming a somatic therapist specializing in helping women work through complex trauma.
• Stef explains her work as a "multi-hyphenate" professional combining therapy, choreography, movement coaching, and retreat leadership
• The challenge of balancing constant self-analysis as a therapist with just experiencing life without processing everything
• How musical theater provided representation for Stef as a dancer in a larger body, particularly through seeing Hairspray on Broadway
• The contrast between New York City roots and Colorado living, and how each place shaped Stef’s personal development
• Advice for authenticity: "Be honest with yourself about what you really want, how you really feel, and say it out loud"
• Book recommendations for women seeking to reconnect with their bodies and intuition, including works by Glennon Doyle and Brené Brown
• Stef’s mission to help women "feel loved, know their worth, know their power, and be comfortable in their own skin without shame"
Check out Stef's book recs!
Getting Our Bodies Back by Christine Caldwell
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
Women Food and God by Geneen Roth
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TikTok: @snitchin.pod
Visit our website
Listen to our Taylor Draft Playlist!
Reach out to us! snitchinpod@gmail.com
Ready, ready.
Speaker 2:Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Snitchin' it's your host, kristen, and Brittany, get ready for what is sure to be the best part of your day today.
Speaker 1:For sure, we are like level 10 excited because we are back with another special guest episode, and this time it is with one of our favorites, the woman that I would say sometimes, britt and I maybe refer to as, like, our life coach, therapist. Yes, look up to in many ways, stephanie Rukuglia. Hey girl, welcome to the pod.
Speaker 3:Hi guys, I'm so freaking happy to be here. We are so happy to have you.
Speaker 1:This is going to be so much fun. Steph actually had a name for the pod that I loved and I wanted to bring up Me Britt and Gina.
Speaker 2:I don't even know if I know this.
Speaker 1:Well, we have referred to ourselves as the squad for like 10 plus years at this point, and Steph was like Well, once Taylor started doing, it. Obviously you guys know who you're listening to, so no surprise there. But so Steph said her idea for the name. She was like you should do squad with a pod.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a good name.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I think that's what we can name this episode is our squad with a pod.
Speaker 2:I love that, I love that In my head I'm like wait, can I change it at this point?
Speaker 3:You can do whatever you want to do. I am also just going to say well, I think it goes to part of what well A, when we were, when we all went, when we were in Portugal together, I feel like I remember you guys talking about this a little bit and you were like we should just do it, we should just do it, and I was like, yeah, just do it. Right, it's just about starting it. So I just want to say like I am so proud of you both, for just doing it.
Speaker 3:Like it's so awesome, Like in such a short amount of time, from like for me, when we I don't know how long you've been thinking about it, but for when we had that conversation in March and like, obviously, Kristen, you were traveling, there's a lot of life happening, but you just started and I also can hear the evolution of the podcast as you go on, like your comfort level, your flexibility. You're establishing like clear themes what you're about, like you guys are. It's so, so amazing to see. I'm like so proud of you, oh my.
Speaker 2:God, you have no idea how much your opinion matters, though.
Speaker 1:You have no idea, me and Brittany are truly beaming. Thank you so much Steph Well, safe to say, we are. We could not be more thrilled to have her here and we are going to go through our normal routine where we have, when we have a guest episode. We're going to have Steph answer 13 questions for us and Britt and I will chime in as we go. But first maybe just like a little bit, just a little background, like how, how we met, how we all know each other.
Speaker 3:Well, uh, their best friend Gina right. Prime squad member Um Gina right.
Speaker 3:Prime squad member, gina and I went yeah, they know Gina, right, right. So Gina and I went to college together and from the first moment that Gina and I met it was like probably the. It's probably one of the only meet-cutes in my life. That really means everything to me. From the moment we met, we were just immediately like inseparable and just connected.
Speaker 3:And what I loved about learning about Gina was even this was before you guys called yourselves the squad, but it was such a clear feeling to me that you had this squad like energy, which was so cool, because I well, of course I had some groups of friends. I tend to be a little bit more of a lone wolf type in the sense that, like I jumped especially at that point in my life, more jumped into different groups. The idea of meeting someone that truly had, like a group like this was like shit that I only saw in movies. So I just immediately fell in love with your whole community, you know, and of course, it helps that every time I would come to Canton it felt like I got a special parade. I mean, everybody was so nice and loving and generous and, as you can hear, it's still happening, right, like, so it's like such a yeah, it's just such a special kit, it's such a special connection.
Speaker 2:One thing I also love about you and Gina's friendship is that you guys are like kind of exact opposites in a lot of ways. Yeah. Yeah, like, if you met each other individually, you'd be like, oh they're friends. But then if you see you guys together, it like makes so much sense, like you're perfect, it's like opposite.
Speaker 3:Totally, totally. Yeah, we are very different Always happen.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, too funny. Okay, well, let's get into it, because we have so much to talk about with Steph and to unpack with her, and I'm very excited about the answers to some of these questions, so we're going to kick it off, all right?
Speaker 2:I will be the question reader today. All right, Steph, we're starting out with a fun one. What is your favorite musical?
Speaker 3:Fun for you. The most painful question you could possibly ask me how can I possibly choose?
Speaker 2:I guess I should say that Steph is a big Broadway musical person.
Speaker 1:We should also say your work because, like your love for dance and musical theater influences what you do professionally.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, Absolutely. And that's what I was going to say. I think maybe because a lot of some of the questions are geared towards you know my identity and who I am Right. So, yes, I got my BA in dance and theater. I'm a choreographer, a director, a movement coach, embodiment person. I'll write alongside that I'm a somatic therapist. So then I work then with the mind-body connection and the emotional relationship between our lived experience and how we express that.
Speaker 3:So when you ask me, my favorite musical is like I can't choose one, but I can give you three. I love it. Hit us Okay. So Hairspray was probably will always be an all time favorite.
Speaker 3:It was the most influential musical for me in my life. I saw it when I was in the eighth grade on Broadway and, as a dancer in a larger body, to see for the first time a female lead with in a larger body was like gave me, I mean. I remember just I sobbed when I left the theater like I was just crying and crying, crying because I just felt so much like hope and like I can do this too, which was amazing.
Speaker 3:Oh I love that um my the musical that probably is like the most that I sing, the most that Gina and I have sung the most in our time together. That is like the most that I sing the most that Gina and I have sung the most in our time together. That is like the most. Do you know?
Speaker 3:I was just thinking I'm like what is it no, and a little did I know when I saw this show at that time that it would truly be like an integration of all of my worlds, but it's next to normal.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, gina wants to win. Yeah, right, but it's next to normal.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, gina wants it on yeah Right, and then my most recent show that I saw. So since being back in New York from Colorado, I have tried my best to see at least a show a month. Sometimes I get two shows in a month, but Sunset Boulevard just got to shout it out Nicole Scherzinger is a goddamn queen. I've never seen a performance like that in my life. Wow, the.
Speaker 3:Jamie Floyd Theater Company, the way that they interpreted this very classic show, or the show that has the potential to be very classic. It's like sung all the way through. It's not a storyline that everybody can relate to. So it's a little bit of an edgy hard show, yeah, but this production of it is amazing. I was of a. You know it's a little bit of an edgy hard show, but this production of it is amazing.
Speaker 1:I was actually wondering if you were going to say that, because we were texting um Steph G and I were texting during the. Tony awards.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And Nicole won the Tony for her performance in that show and it was funny. I was wondering yeah, like which one you would pick? Because you would, you would laugh. I would be asking Steph like what, which one you would pick? Because you would laugh. I would be asking Steph like what do you? Think about this show she would send like a paragraph with like a full synopsis, the theme, like she knows her stuff. Why I think what I think about it Totally, I'm like I think it's good it wasn't super boring.
Speaker 3:Musical theater has always just been so important to me. I think it was my, it was the first outlet that I had, so I'd always been in the dance world but didn't really fully fit in there, and musical theater was just a much more fuller expression of storytelling. And I can't sing very well, but I try my best. But it was. It's, it's the whole, it's a full body experience and I know lots of people have problems with Broadway. It's not always the most palatable for everybody and I love it, just love it so much I love it too.
Speaker 2:I feel like I get the feels of the theater.
Speaker 3:I'm like.
Speaker 2:I'm meant to be here. No, and it's just crazy to me how a show can be drastically different seeing it live versus seeing it on TV or listening to it on Spotify or whatever.
Speaker 1:Britt, yours is definitely going to be Hamilton, right? Obviously Hamilton.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was going to say Hamilton, right obviously Hamilton.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say there's no way, it wasn't all right.
Speaker 2:Let's go to the next question, because we got more to get through so number two, what's your favorite place you've ever been? So yeah, steph's been to a lot of places, so yeah, I'm excited to hear this one yeah, again, I can't choose one thing.
Speaker 3:Asking me to choose just one thing is like so difficult. But this is a really obscure thing because I can't even remember the name of this place. But it was in New Zealand, in the South Island, and we were on this tour and we pulled over into this really small town. Like it had like the school and the market, I think, was like all in one building and there was just like a few few little small homes and like lots of farmland.
Speaker 3:And I think why it was my favorite place is because the feeling that I got there I mean it was also like just right right on the mountain side, so it was just so majestic and it was just so frigging peaceful. I like it was just I felt simultaneously, like I can still remember how calm and, yeah, how common centered I felt being there and at the same time it was so inspiring. So this little town in New Zealand that I can't even remember the name is like my is a is a. When I heard that was the first one that came up in my mind when I read the question.
Speaker 2:So I love that I love that too.
Speaker 1:I was going to say New Zealand is. Well, that's mine too is New Zealand.
Speaker 3:Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's such a special place.
Speaker 1:It really is. It feels so remote and just like, yeah, the natural beauty there, just the landscape, the mountains, everything. It's just really.
Speaker 2:A favorite place to been, probably Positano.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Or Greece, like Paganos or something. All right, what's up next? Let's see. All right, number three what's your favorite thing about when you lived in Colorado?
Speaker 3:Oh gosh, Total opposite of New York.
Speaker 3:I totally opposite of New York. So context for listeners right, I grew up in New York City, in Staten Island. My parents are from Brooklyn. Classic Italian American family. No manners, chew with your mouth open, interrupt, yell loud voices. I decide in 2013 that I'm going to go live in Boulder, colorado, to get my MFA, to get my not MFA MA in somatic counseling psychology to this Buddhist school. I arrived there and I am a bull in a china shop for the entirety for most of the entirety of the program. When I moved to Colorado, I thought I was going to become though. I was called to it because I thought I was going to become a rock climber. I thought I was going to make my own kimchi. I thought I was going to eat food out of a jar. I thought I was going to be, you know, living in the woods. I had never been on a hike before in my life, but this is what I thought was going to happen.
Speaker 1:She literally grew up on a city, island, right, yeah, like the most populated city in the world right.
Speaker 3:So none of that happened and there was a lot of challenge that came with that. But my favorite thing about living in Colorado is like I did end up doing most of my growing up there. I was there for all of my twenties.
Speaker 3:I moved there and I was 23 and I left when I was 34. So I did so much of my adult growing up there and, despite not fully becoming any kind of nature freak or anything I don't mean to say freak, but like nature lover, like that I do love, I do love hiking and I do love the mountains but it was a safe place. The community values there, the way of life, the ease, the lack of pressure. The fact that most people that live there I shouldn't say most people, but many people that live there would rather spend their time outside than inside, is just a little microcosm example of the kind of energy that exists there.
Speaker 3:It's not about spending money. It's not about spending money. It's not about being flashy. It's not about keeping up with the Joneses. It's not about what you have. It's really about what you do and who you are. It's just like the energy of Colorado.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that.
Speaker 3:Did you?
Speaker 2:miss the ocean.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, I hated living in a landlocked state.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, okay, oh, my God, I hated living in a landlocked state.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, yeah, that was how I feel. I would think, yeah, it was really at first. You know, the first few years, the first three years, four years, it was like okay, whatever. And also I came back to New York so much and I did so much traveling so it was like not so bad. But then over time, like you really, especially in the summers, like you really feel like just the lack of ocean. But I do have come to learn. I have come to learn that I love like lakes, water and mountains, like you know, when we went kayaking, like that situation is totally beautiful to me and like gives a little flavor of, like it doesn't give beach vibes but gives a little flavor of, gives a little flavor of like it doesn't give beach vibes but gives a little flavor of of that, totally, totally.
Speaker 1:We need to do a quick, quick tangent and who knows?
Speaker 3:Yes, we might even cut. We might even cut this out, poor Gina.
Speaker 1:We're putting you on blast but we have to talk about. So we go to visit Steph in Colorado. It's me, britt and Jay and we drive two hours North to the most beautiful scenic lake surrounded by mountains. It's me, britt and Jade and we drive two hours North to the most beautiful scenic lake surrounded by mountains. It's absolutely gorgeous.
Speaker 2:And we find out exactly what you would picture.
Speaker 1:Beautiful day, this is going to be a great time. So we go kayaking. So it's double kayaks, so there's two per person, um, or two people per per kayak. There we go anyway. We decide to do as the colorado folk do, and we had an edible before we decided to go do this kayak. That did not turn out well for gina marie. She proceeds to absolutely freak out she.
Speaker 3:what set her off was the briefing, the safety briefing that we had beforehand, which was just pretty much like, really try not to fall in the lake because it's very cold and you could get hypothermia. And literally that was all that she needed to hear and her mind immediately went I'm going to fall in this lake and die and freeze to death.
Speaker 1:So all of this happens within like 15 minutes, this briefing and from where we start, and we me and Brittany are in one kayak, steph and Gia are in another we quickly realized this is going downhill for Gina and me and Brittany literally were like bye, bye guys.
Speaker 2:We were picking our kayaks. We were like oh sorry, steph, you're.
Speaker 1:Regina.
Speaker 2:I'm not going, Gina.
Speaker 1:We were like legit pretending we're Pocahontas, we're like just around the river bend.
Speaker 2:Gina's having like a panic attack and we're like, all right, let's race away from her.
Speaker 3:Well, my favorite moment is you guys start naming pretty much everyone you know Like so-and-so would really love this. Oh you know who would also love this? And you're like going through everyone you know and I'm like, well, yeah, guys, because it's beautiful, like I think most people would really love it, and Gina goes, I mean it's all right, it's fine, that's so, gina. I mean it's okay. Oh, my god, literally we I'll never forget the look on her face.
Speaker 1:And then she bought me a present to say sorry, remember you guys and I was like, oh my god, right later that day, literally me and Brittany turned to her. We were like you need to buy Steph something like. She handled you all day and you were brutal. Yeah, we were like you were brutal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were like you were brutal. I love it.
Speaker 1:It's one of our favorite stories, but oh my God, okay, we could go on for hours.
Speaker 3:But actually this might be would you want to switch to? Let's do beach or mountains, beach or mountains Perfect, totally, totally. Yeah, again, really tough, but I have to go with mountains. I do love the beach, I love the beach and I love vacationing on the beach and I love the way that the water looks. But when I think about where I feel most comfortable and really at peace and where I can connect with myself more is in the mountains.
Speaker 1:Got it, we got it.
Speaker 2:Spoken like a true Colorado-ian, colorado I don't know how to say it.
Speaker 1:Sure Colorado.
Speaker 2:Yeah, coloradan, all right. Next question Something you're grateful for today.
Speaker 3:Well, it's kind of hard to not feel overwhelmed with gratitude for this moment, for just like knowing you guys and chatting with you and, yeah, just like our, our history and the like, familiarity and closeness that I feel to you, even though you know, we're miles apart friends through proxy, you know it's like, but it just is like yeah, I just love you, so I feel so grateful for that that was not what I was expecting.
Speaker 1:I mean ditto right back at you.
Speaker 2:Gina is eye rolling so hard right now.
Speaker 1:So hard. Yeah, yeah, everybody loves Steph rolling so hard right now so hard so hard. Yeah, yeah, everybody loves stuff imagining. Oh, one thousand percent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all her psycho babble, bullshit, that's right like bring chris and eat that shit up um which we do, which we do? Um, all right. Question number six what's the hardest part of your job? You talked a little bit about your job. Yeah, remind us.
Speaker 3:Yes, I will remind you. I mean, I have just found this new phrase that I am really identifying with. I don't know if you guys have seen it, but it's like people are describing themselves as being multi-hyphenate, where it's like they are combining. You know, they have like careers and talents and skills and passions that could each stand alone. So I could just be a therapist, I could just be a consultant, I could just be a retreat leader, I could just be a choreographer or director, I could just be a movement teacher. But I am all of these things, so I am a multi-hyphenate person.
Speaker 2:True, you don't have one job.
Speaker 3:I don't have one job. So it's like and the stress of that comes with like kind of really, you have to create your own path of integrating all of these skills and figuring out how you want to manifest that and what have you. But what I spend my time mostly doing right in the role of therapist. I kind of thought about that question from this perspective and I think a lot of people would think that or expect to hear that one of the hardest parts of that job is hearing all of the trauma stories, right, and all of the difficult experiences of people. But to be honest with you, that's not really the hardest part I think there is. I mean, it's not to say that it's, that's not challenging, but it's more.
Speaker 3:Like so many of my clients I worked in for I guess more context right I work with women and young women specifically around with CPTSD, which is complex post-traumatic stress disorder. So this is the kind of relationship trauma. This is the kind of paper cuts over your life that occur in your relationships, where you feel threatened, where you feel unsafe, where you're not sure if it's okay to be you, where you learn all of your strategies for how you're going to deal with people, where you learn how to mask, where you learn how to hide and people please, and all that kind of stuff. And then, of course, some more severe circumstances of childhood abuse and neglect and, yeah, like actual harm. So in that, a lot of my clients' experiences, both past and present, mirror a lot of my own. So it's not that I have a trouble separating between our two experiences when I'm working with them, but it keeps me in my work all the time, which is good which is a good thing, right, that's like part of my job and what I need to do for myself.
Speaker 3:That's, you know, my ongoing training and work and education. But it does become tiring sometimes, like I wish that I. It's like you guys use the expression the psychobabble bullshit. It's true, it doesn't end. I'm not going to call it psychobabble bullshit per se.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's genius. Right yeah, I know that's right, that's right.
Speaker 3:But it can be really exhausting. So I've had to learn over the years how to really consciously be like okay, this is not the time for this process, or I don't have to process everything, or I can just accept things as they are. I don't always have to grow and change. Sometimes people are just mean to me, right? Or sometimes relationships are not working out and instead of constantly looking at myself and how I can make it better or what am I?
Speaker 3:missing? What am I not seeing? And my work inspires that all the time. So it's like, in order to be good for the work, I've got to do my own work. But in order to stay sane and grounded and centered, to be good for the work, I have to balance my own internal work.
Speaker 3:So, it can become a lot. Of course there's a musical lyric from If, then that is another favorite show of mine, uh, that gina also loves too and um, and the lyric is like can I ever just feel what I feel? And that is like that song comes to mind for me. And when I, when I that song starts playing in my head like out of random, not because I was listening to it, that's kind of I learned that that's a cue for me that I maybe need to take a I need to take a pause on sort of sensing, feeling, dealing and relating and just live.
Speaker 2:Just name what you feel.
Speaker 3:Just let it be what it is. I feel like we could all use that, especially women Absolutely, and that, I would say, is the second hardest part of my job is getting women to feel that be that live, that hold that, oh, I bet to feel that, be that, live that, hold that. Oh, I bet, and really just yeah, getting women in touch with what they truly feel and want and accept that it's like super hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but probably like so. On the flip side, though, it feels so good, like it's so meaningful.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Number seven what is the last show you binged?
Speaker 3:Absolutely, Absolutely, Number seven. What is the last show you binged so true proper binge which occurred on Friday night? Last Friday night was the squid game. I watched that, God. I really liked the first season. I mean, I thought it was like chippy and hard and all the things. The second and third seasons are just like too much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not a fan. Should have been a limited series. It should have. Yeah, All right. Question number eight what is your most used app on your phone?
Speaker 3:I had to look this up because I got rid of socials on my phone, because it was just not going well for me. So I had no socials on my phone and I was like I wonder what is the most used app on my phone, which, again, gina is going to laugh hysterically when she hears that it is. My messages was like what came up in, like the data, like of your most used app.
Speaker 3:And I say that Gina is going to laugh a lot though, because I am terrible at replying to text messages in any kind of timely fashion. Like. So it is a little bit ironic. So that was like the most used app. Second was the New York Times, because I also play the games, read the news in the morning, Kristen, just like you do.
Speaker 1:That is my morning. That's my morning too, so it was messages and the New York Times. I love that and that tells me that you're actually just not on your phone. That much.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm not. Yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, I think my daily, because then this sent me on a spiral of looking at my daily use, which I couldn't believe is only two hours a day, oh my God, that's goals for me. I feel like that's my.
Speaker 2:I don't use my phone a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, have you checked your screen?
Speaker 2:time. Well, it gives me a notification. I feel like it's like yeah, it's usually like two hours a day.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah so same same, same, same, same same Sure but I feel like I am.
Speaker 2:I am like weirdly, like not on my phone.
Speaker 3:I agree, I just like, unless I'm, unless I have to use my phone as my Kindle, which sometimes I do, then I'll be on it, then it'll change, of course, but I'm not like using the phone capacity. I'm reading, you know, so it feels like it doesn't count. The same yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, number nine. What piece of advice would you give your younger? Self I like this one, yeah, me too.
Speaker 3:I would tell my younger self to be honest with yourself about what you really want, how you really feel, and say it out loud. There are big and insidious consequences to not living authentically and being who you think other people want you to be, and helping others at the cost of yourself will never end up how you think.
Speaker 1:That was like the best answer ever. Like again, well said, that's mine.
Speaker 2:The same one. That's what I would say. That's mine, that's mine.
Speaker 3:Same. Yeah, yeah. Not the first time I've thought about that question, of course. All right, flats or sneakers Lighter topic, I know I love that we're going in between here. So I would ordinarily say flats, always. I've never been too much of a sneaker wearer, unless it was for working out or if I was dancing right, choreographing, whatever. But since living in New York, being back in the city in Manhattan, like my sneaker game is like steadily increasing. I mean, I'm also going from walking like 3,000 steps a day to walking like 15,000 steps a day.
Speaker 3:So my feet are just tired and I just like crave the sneaker, but I really do prefer wearing flats. And I often don't even wear flats. I actually wear wedges or chunk heels or something like that.
Speaker 1:I think I'm going sneakers yeah, I'd probably say sneakers. A white sneaker can kind of go with anything and it's like back in style, I feel like Well, it's like back in style.
Speaker 3:I feel like totally well it's the thing right now right. Yeah, I know, and they used, I used to shit on, but now I'm like I'm into it, and after our portugal trip, I think gina had all birds on and one of you and someone else had probably me yeah, yeah um, I was like I like these, I'm gonna get these, and I got a pair of all birds and I love them they're're not a dream.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they're great, they're super comfortable. They don't. They're not as like sturdy, as like for like as an athletic sneaker, but they really do, are really breathable, nice little sneakers.
Speaker 2:So yeah, they're great for just like casual. They look good in a leisurely walk, exactly. Um, all right, we only got three more left. Number 11, what's the highlight of your career?
Speaker 1:What a question.
Speaker 3:What a question, what a question Casual.
Speaker 3:Casual right, really difficult to choose. So I have two, yeah, two, options here. One would be. So last May I got to direct next to normal, so co-direct Next to Normal, and it was also like I was leaving Colorado after being there for 12 years. So I kept calling it my capstone project because it was a true integration of my work in mental health, my therapist identity and my love of the arts and combining these things together and my love of the arts and combining these things together.
Speaker 3:So next to normal is a show about a family in deep grief mental illness, psychopharmacology, family dynamics all of my favorite things. So getting to work on that show and also have it be my sort of director co-directing debut was also super exciting. So it was like and we also put on the show during mental health awareness Month in May. So then I also did a Q&A with a therapist panel. We provided resources. So it was exactly like arts as advocacy right, the sort of, in my heart, what I really believe theater can be and is for our society around, like not just entertainment but a supportive place of resource that people can hear their stories reflected, that they can share, bring community together, like.
Speaker 3:It was just so amazing so that was a really, really big highlight for me, but I would say in general, like little highlights of my career overall come from hearing, like spontaneous feedback from other people, like about the impacts that I've had on had in our work together. So that is always really special to hear. Especially in the beginning part of my journey as a therapist, I did intensive in-home family therapy. So I was working with families for three days a week, four-hour sessions, working with the whole family system. It was really like therapy without borders. We would be in community, we would be all over the place and it was so challenging, especially as a new therapist, and it was like I just had so much self-doubt as to whether or not I was really ever doing anything or really helping these people. And over the years, like years later, I've heard just comments or feedback that like so so someone said that they know you and they said that you changed their family forever and like you help them so much.
Speaker 3:These little nuggets of just like the reminders is like. I don't have a career where you get a lot of immediate gratification right, as a therapist. It's not a product process or process product situation, right, it's just all process and it's not up to me what happens and I'm not in control of it and it's not my life. So, which is great, and it can be hard to feel, right Like the impact there's no measuring too, like you don't know if you're doing a good job Exactly, it's really difficult to know.
Speaker 3:So, like those little, those little like spontaneous nuggets of feedback, like delayed, like, not even outside the moment of like, oh, we're saying goodbye, you know, it feels so unbelievably special to me.
Speaker 2:And what a great reminder for all of us to, like you know, give people compliments and tell them when you have made an impact.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because a lot of times it's easy not to yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2:Next up, we have what is a book, resource or tool that has impacted your work.
Speaker 3:We thought we were so smart putting this question on. I'm sure you did. I'm sure you did. Well, I think it feels maybe fairly evidenced by now that I am so impacted by everything. I mean I could watch a reality TV show. I mean I'm watching the Housewives and it impacts how I might show up the next day in session because I learned something or saw something there.
Speaker 3:I'm like so influenced by everything around me that I am constantly learning and integrating, but a couple of things stand out. One would be the knowing of really learning about and I'm going to say this in a very simplistic way, but really understanding the way that neural pathways work in the brain. Is that, like, when we take action and we do things like and we have thoughts that are associated with actions we can't ever like, that pathway gets carved out in our brain like a train track laid forever. And when it's things that beliefs that don't serve us or that we don't want anymore, we can never get rid of those pathways. We might take away the train, we might take away the tracks, but the grooves that are left in the dirt will always kind of be there.
Speaker 3:So when people say like, people often ask me all the time, like what do I think about healing? Like do you think people can ever recover or ever really change, and it's like yes, and like in a lot of ways, just by nature of how the brain works, your stuff is going to be your stuff, right? I'm always going to be challenged by my body. There's always going to be. There's such a, there's a very deep groove that my body is not right as it is. It doesn't fit, it doesn't belong, it's not beautiful, it's not good. Now I don't choose to believe that anymore. I've created new neural pathways in my brain that are different than that, but sometimes when I'm stressed or I'll use I use the metaphor like if I get flooded right, like when it rains, like it's like, yeah, those tracks are going to fill with water and it's really just about. Do I have the right dam in place and ways to divert right To go to follow the new pathways again, you know? So learning that, understanding that in my own experience, I feel like, has been really, really integral into finding my own belief system as a therapist, in terms of what do I believe about change and healing, which is, like you know, a pretty important thing to know as a therapist. You know I also will say that.
Speaker 3:Then a few books came to mind that I read early, that I think that might be interesting for listeners, you know, or you can put it on your website Like. These are books that I read before I became a therapist. That really inspired me to go into the field of somatic therapy and this kind of truth seeking and embodiment, specifically for women. So so getting our bodies back by Christine Caldwell. She was my, she was the director of our department in grad school at Naropa, um, but this is a great book, particularly if you're feeling out of sync with your body. You feel like you're out of your own rhythm and you're living in all the things that you should do and should feel, instead of how you actually do feel.
Speaker 3:Should being in quotations Exactly Should being in quotations, that's right, Untamed by Glennon Doyle. So this is a great book if you're afraid of owning your truth, and challenged by connecting to your intuition or, as she calls it, your knowing Big Magic. By Liz Gilbert, living with curiosity, less fear of finding the courage to follow what lights you up, and a reminder that life is a creative process that's not only reserved for creatives. I got two more Women Food and God, which is really beautiful. Don't think about God in a typical religious context. It's more about spirit and our divine essence. It's really about our relationship with food, or rather saying she really helps us understand that our relationship with food reflects our relationship with ourself, our worth and our divinity and value, our divinity and value.
Speaker 3:And then Women who Run With Wolves by Clara Pinkett Estes. I think that's the full name. Estes for sure is the last name, but this is about getting back to your wild, intuitive self, the part that may just be so hidden and buried with people-pleasing and accommodating others' expectations. It's like ancient primal folklore stories. It's not just dating others' expectations, it's like ancient primal folklore stories. It's really. You know, it's. Every woman who has read this book has had it, has impacted them and has touched them in this completely unexpected way. Oh sorry, and one more. I thought it was just me, but it isn't in parentheses by Brene Brown, so Brene Brown's really well known right now.
Speaker 3:But this is like one of her earlier books about shame and the shame epidemic that exists in women and how it manifests, and it is a really easy to read and she has really great exercises in there. If you feel like you know, to just start working with your shame, understanding what it is that you feel, what you're afraid other people will think about you, what you want to avoid, Like it is. It's an oldie and it's a basic, but it's so good.
Speaker 1:Oh good, oh great. These are awesome recommendations. We'll post these on our Instagram so you guys can have um easy access.
Speaker 2:Question number 13. Um, what impact are you hoping to make?
Speaker 3:in your work. Part of me wants to say God, when I know it, I'll tell you Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Well, I was just going to say what if we just switched it up and said, steph, who's your favorite housewife?
Speaker 3:Well, I'll do both.
Speaker 1:I'll do both quick.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 3:So this is, like, definitely one of the hardest things for me, especially becoming a business owner and like trying to create a business out of therapy, right that it's like there's this way that it can just be a practice, right, Like a doctor, or but then there's also a way in which it's a big brand.
Speaker 3:Because of this impact piece and it's really always been difficult for me to describe, describe it, because it's always been more of a feeling for me than like a mission statement I never thought like this is the impact. I didn't go into this thinking this is the impact I want to make on the world. I went into this because these are the feelings that I have and I want to support people who share those feelings with themselves. So, ultimately, I really really just want women and young women to feel loved, know their worth, know their power and know how to use it, be who they are in the world and walk around truly comfortable in their own skin without shame, and to have relationships that are real, mutual and nourishing. And if I can help just one person feel more at home in themselves and more connected to others, then like that's right now. That's the impact that I care about.
Speaker 1:I'm sure you're doing that. I want that too. I want that too. Yeah, yeah, favorite housewife.
Speaker 3:Gosh Favorite housewife Um Kyle Richards from an OG I I of course my feelings go up and down with her. I don't support every choice she makes or every behavior or whatever, but in my heart I really believe that she is like the most authentic housewife.
Speaker 1:Well, steph, you are the best. We are so happy to have you on. We hope that you all loved this episode. We are going to be back on Friday for our episode. Brittany is going to be podcasting from San Diego, so we're going to be bi-coastal.
Speaker 3:How fun.
Speaker 2:Thanks, yeah, I'm excited and I think we're going to. I think we've convinced chris to come on for a little special segment.
Speaker 1:we'll see a little, not so newlywed segment that we're gonna do with him and brit. That's gonna be really fun. All right, snitches, that's all time. All the time we have for today. We'll see you on friday, um. Follow us on social and tell your friends snitching pod yep.
Speaker 2:Tell everyone you know and don't worry, swifties. I have not forgotten about the mysterious countdown. We will be, giving you an advice is yeah, we'll be giving an update, hopefully we'll have things to talk about, hopefully it's good things to talk about on friday, but my biggest piece of advice is don't get too excited, and that is all I will say.
Speaker 1:And on that note, we hope everyone has a wonderful wednesday. Thanks so much for tuning in. And we will say and on that note, we hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday. Thanks so much for tuning in and we will see you on Friday. Bye, snitches, thanks Steph, thanks for having me guys, bye.